Mind settles into clarity

In the moment I am writing this I am experiencing so much clarity.

Clarity is what I’ve been wanting. Craving. Assuming it would shed light on a direction. Or a directive. 

And here it is: Directionless. Yet, beautiful.

And it contains nothing I was looking for. Such as: answers. Or identity. Or definition.

None of that. Just beauty.

It’s this clear feeling.

What’s dark is dark. What’s grey is grey. What’s light is light. What’s colorful is colorful.

The sun shines it’s light through the spaces that it shines through. There’s just a play of form. Of shapes. Of gradations. Of contrast.

And it’s all in focus right now. Maybe it’s the focus that feels like the clarity.

There’s no soft-focus emotionality to it. But there is a mood. It’s a mood of… presence. Availability. As if, all this glory is here. 

I can use my two eyes and mind and focus on one thing at a time. And just appreciate distinction.

Or I can take it all in from my heart, and feel how the rolls and waves of the directional light create valleys and hills that seem to extend into vast landscapes, and the space between where I’m sitting and the objects and the window and the beyond is all questionable and wavering.

Clarity. All here now.  And it feels so…. Clean. Uninterrupted. Distraction-less. I feel this intention:

May my mind settle into the heart’s content. Without an assignment.

I welcome my roaming mind here. It roams and hovers. And doesn’t land. Can it just be like that? A hummingbird?

The moment is already changing. Shifting. Is it because of Time? The slipping away… the gliding towards? Or is it just because: It’s alive. 

This moment. The being-ness of the moment. Is alive. So it breathes. Yes… The breath is my experience. 

The mind wants answers. And doesn’t know what is next.  Doesn’t want to say goodbye to what it just met. Wants to freeze frame. Capture. Wants to dissect further. Wants to…

But the light has already changed. The scene is still before me. Changed, yet unchanged.

Feeling different. Revealing the next thing. Less glare. More depth. The line from the sunlight that the screen was holding onto, is gone.  Actually, it’s there. But less distinct. And moved. Slowly, etching its way out of the scene.

The angled sun now brings attention to something different. Spots that catch the light and jump out like tiny, dotted specks.

Like stars that haven’t been called to their position in the high skies yet. So they are here visiting for a chat. Before duty.

They say: “thank you for knowing us as you”,  “thank you for seeing us as you do”,  “it’s fun to be known and be seen”.

There’s a lot of giddy laughter. It feels like a reunion of souls. Oh! Now there’s a few tiny flying ones. Here and gone. Coming or leaving.

I feel it all now in my throat. My jaw. The swelling of appreciation. The wateriness of it. The awe of it all that literally takes my breath away.

So much so, that there’s a frozen state within me that believes my breath has been taken away.

Why is that? Maybe it’s because I didn’t know it was okay to feel so much. To appreciate so deeply. So I gulp it down. Hold it. 

Bury it in the sand. For another day. Another time. When I could allow this. Now. 

The tears need to flow in order to give proper justice to this beauty. Otherwise, it’s stuck. 

I am so grateful. 

The line is gone. The screen is more see-through. There’s an equal measure of the outside being brought in. They feel the same. 

There’s a yellow light that must be a reflection of something.  But I can’t tell what. There’s three of them. They hover and move subtly. Then disappear. 

Time continues to pull this moment along, and the stars will be called to duty shortly. 

As will I.

And it feels like a curtain was just drawn.